poetry – Page 119 – The Daily Writing of Jackie Wright

Tense

13. Apr, 202013. Apr, 2020 jackiewrightauthor1 Comment

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Anxiety is making me choke on dry bones,

I spit up barb wire. I’m in there alone.

The pressure rings louder than my ears can take,

It’s unsettling. I’m in there alone and I mustn’t hesitate.

I can’t play it safe.

The crashes and wrecks continue to frighten

But the guards are awake so I’m keeping it silent.

My nails are scraping the floors and the vents.

Where is the end?

Every turn keeps coming back to yesterday’s events:

Two fingers of whiskey, three unpaid rents.

Your lungs made of glass, heart filled with gasoline.

Might get you high, might be a fast release.

I’m grabbing my own hair, pulling out grenade rings.

Would kiss a chainsaw just so I don’t have to think.

But you knew it already – my ego is made out of dangerous things.

If you escape the hellfire by jumping in water,

your boat will sink.

-JW

Buzzkill

12. Apr, 202012. Apr, 2020 jackiewrightauthor2 Comments

My father will never call me back again but I don’t mind.

Three years stuck in an infinite loop, butchered by my own emotions.

Feeling less than human. My demons were aligned.

I’m done gulping cheap flavors from shallow glasses like they’re potions.

I’m done being defined.

My father will never call me back again but it’s not my fault.

All that matters are people who will pick up the phone when it’s unpleasant.

It might be late or it might be inconvenient, yet they dare to open that vault

Without being compromised by the front that I present –

And it changes, but they stay through the halt.

My father will never call me back again, and sun rises at the east.

Accepting our truths does not mean we’re giving in. We’re far ahead.

Never in my life have I felt less lonely – look at all the weapons I’ve seized,

Built by my destructive heart that wished I was already dead…

Living is not a walk in the park, it’s a feast.

I will never pick up when my father calls. Let him choke on the ringtones and words never said.

-JW

Misdeeds

11. Apr, 202011. Apr, 2020 jackiewrightauthorLeave a comment

Photo by **Johannes Plenio** from **Pexels**

Walking away from something you’ve broken entirely is human nature.

Hiding your brutality and violence into the bruises of another creature –

That’s how the best of us become preachers.

I don’t believe it’s just.

I cannot step away from a disaster even when it’s not mine, even when I must.

My first instinct is always taking away the knife and the gun from the person I trust,

Then torturing myself with them as if nothing happened – until they turn away in disgust.

How do you walk away from a damaged soul? How do you let it bleed?

I’ve slept on the cold, hard floor in order for you all to get some sleep.

Never been able to turn my back. I will take over the pain and lead.

I will finally accede to the fact that I’ve taken it too far when my knees become weak,

Yet you can stand up again, and that fulfills my greed.

Is this a virtue or another misdeed?

-JW

Hypocrite

10. Apr, 2020 jackiewrightauthorLeave a comment

Sorry I called you a stranger last night without meaning it.

Quite weird how we don’t allow our loved ones to change even slightly.

The second they do – we quit.

But I do apologize for growing apart, even though I was thinking

That we’re birds of a feather, flying in the same direction –

So I took off without blinking.

I crash landed in the next empty field, no sight of you, just dirt.

For a moment I did believe you got lost chasing…

After weeks of silence I stopped waiting on you to revert.

Then, four months later, in an empty hallway your eyes meet mine.

Such a happy moment, you’re there but somehow not smiling.

I realized you’ve lost your spine.

Ran into you a couple more times. Your stare so blank, I wondered –

Maybe I’ve become see-through, and this is afterlife?

Maybe I should close my eyes and count to one hundred?

It’s been a while and I still see your face in my dreams, I do.

It’s painful and wonderful, and I want to hold on…

When I wake up – still no signs of life. No signs of you.

Sorry I called you a stranger last night without meaning it.

You could’ve called me back then. You still have my number.

You goddamn hypocrite.

-JW

Four Walls

9. Apr, 2020 jackiewrightauthorLeave a comment

Photo by **Chanita Sykes** from **Pexels**

Fill my cup with the strongest of drinks, make me feel less lonely.

These four walls tighten around my neck but they can’t really hold me.

Let my fantasy run miles, please don’t let it grow too phony.

When it’s too tired to carry on, I’ll live on pain and no sleep. You know me.

Paint my wrists in the brightest colors, cover all the mistakes.

I can’t erase what has been done, I can’t process my past in hot takes.

Slice my arguments ever so gently – the slower you go, the better it tastes.

Cut right through my throat when you get the chance. Don’t hit the brakes.

Never hit the brakes.

Take all my lies and run with them, pretend I’m not bluffing.

It might feel wrong but by now you must be used to handcuffing.

Breathe my deadly fumes in deeply, reduce your life to nothing.

These four walls tighten around my neck, yet it’s the reality that keeps cutting.

Please… keep me company while the gates are shutting.

-JW

Grudges

8. Apr, 20208. Apr, 2020 jackiewrightauthorLeave a comment

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When I die, I will become the queen of the clouds.

Not that I would ever go to heaven – straight to hell, without any doubts.

I just think that my freshly vanished body would haunt people’s dreams,

It would reappear in their nightmares so often they would run out of screams.

They would take me out and right up to the judge –

But no matter what they said, I would act like I was holding a grudge.

The moment they look away, I’ll be gone and off to take the throne.

I think ruling the up above is also reserved for royals who once have been overthrown.

-JW

Haunting

6. Apr, 2020 jackiewrightauthorLeave a comment

I want to see the world light up and dance with the apocalypse,

I want to embrace letting my life go and die with you.

Jump with you into the abyss.

I’ll never fully own you and, for what it’s worth, I’m glad I won’t.

I’d rather see you in safe distance than in my fever dreams,

Daunting on every living creature I haunt.

But honestly, I’m ready to go if it means you’re right there,

Our palms touching, ground trembling with fear and excitement.

Pain is numbing, bruises – extremely severe.

Every building that goes down around us is another hope to survive.

I might feel like I’m dancing with apocalypse on my own

But as long as you’re alive, I’m not running out of time.

–JW

Scarlet

5. Apr, 2020 jackiewrightauthorLeave a comment

Photo by **Murtaza Saifee** from **Pexels**

Our city is burning up in flames with ashes bringing it closer to heaven.

The place we reinvented from scratch chases me in dreams. Was it the haven?

I yelled at you for being rude and you dragged my ego through carpets –

You held my hand, we stole pamphlets and I painted the room scarlet.

Letting it go means cutting my chest open and pulling out the remains

Of what was once home to our passionate laugher, to hurricanes.

I can’t keep myself from asking – why does this feel like the end?

The truth will chase you down one day, no matter how much you bend.

Don’t worry, the ocean in me is swaying peacefully, I will take it easy.

Once you leave, I’ll pretend that the imprints you left on my lids weren’t greasy.

-JW

So I’ve Heard

4. Apr, 2020 jackiewrightauthorLeave a comment

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Do feelings get old and pass away? I wonder.

My stomach spins tirelessly, vomiting numbers.

Being upfront was never an option but I had the nerve,

I held your shoulders and fumed pure verve.

The game was rigged, so was the plan.

I can no longer say I’ve never loved anyone.

Why was it you? What did I lose in that entangled mind?

No explanation is good enough – the warmth has taken over,

Reasoning gets intertwined.

The corners of my lips curl upward, yours do too.

Every argument with you feels like my Waterloo

And I’m not so sure anymore. I’m scared.

Do feelings get old and pass away? So I’ve heard.

But who cares at this point, my mind’s already impaired.

-JW