Unnoticed

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I see you cry out in the fairest of mornings

But I don’t hear, I don’t empathize.

I’ve had my fair share of mournings.

The tears don’t flow in a rhythm and I wonder –

Why were you mean to me

When you’re the one torn asunder.

I feel the blood on my hands dry seamlessly.

Even if I don’t remember what I’ve done,

I won’t bother with shame and secrecy.

I see another one cry out in a pale, dull morning.

But I still ignore, I can’t empathize

With your pain –

So deserved, so unavoidable, so burning.

-JW

Behind Church Walls

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Do you think I regret what I’ve grown into?

Do you think I’ve cried over the graves

That I’ve led to?

But do you think I forget where I come from?

Do you think I’ve kneeled in a mass

For thee I never outrun?

You’re disgusted but jealous at the same time,

You’d buy a life like mine

For a Judas dime.

And a cross or holy water won’t really do,

A burning sensation won’t either.

Oh, I pity you.

-JW

Place Your Bets

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The game seems too easy,

It can’t be this simple.

You show him you charms,

Cover desires with a wimple.

The game is too wicked,

It can’t be this haunted.

You smile while he begs

But you’re what he wanted.

The game feels too gentle,

It can’t be this touchy.

You wrap him up tight,

Still they brand you too raunchy.

The game tastes too sour,

It can’t be this addicting.

You keep equating your high

With the lungs you’re restricting.

The game feels like a fraud,

It can’t be this corrupt.

Or could it be and I’m lucky?

If so, I beg you not to act shocked.

-JW

Drifting Off

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No recollection of what I’ve done last evening,

Not a clue.

My chest is pounding,

Mind panicking and grieving.

I can’t remember the last person I spoke to.

It can’t be.

Even it was you

How could I take the blame for two?

My nails broken from fights I didn’t really choose.

Don’t argue.

My brain’s a mess,

It aches and oozes like a bruise.

Fatigue, restlessness, dry mouth and no memory.

Blood-stained walls.

I sit up and scream.

Then my consciousness takes off, I’m fast asleep.

-JW

Sheets

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The main street is too loud, let me take you somewhere quieter.

Your car is too noisy, pardon if tonight I’m acting like a rioter.

The sheets on my bed are white, and the walls can keep it mute.

Please look at me, love, please watch it, you senseless brute.

The darkness in my room is calming, it comes up in waves,

And all the drugs in your system make your dull head behave.

The sheets on my bed are crumbled as you lie without purpose.

Please look at me as midnight drifts into foam, burns in turquoise.

The locks are all open as I push you out of sight, out in night.

There’s no one to have your back anymore, no one to your right.

The sheets on my bed are red so I move into another cheap motel

Under a different pseudonym, with another man under the spell.

-JW

The Second Skin

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The one is gone and it’s off to the races, I keep on racing,

I bow my head, I contradict and lie about the fear I’m facing.

A tall stranger smiles at me, then another one, and another…

I drift away on my selfishness, mistaking enemies with lovers.

But I share the bed with my demons despite all the warning signs.

The clock in my room has stopped, none of this time is mine.

A blood stained light in me tries to break out, it’s brighter each night.

Once I stop fighting, it’ll blur my vision just enough

So I can’t tell wrong from right.

-JW

Mad

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I lit a candle and wished you’d never dream of me,

Even in nightmares, even in the deepest sleep.

My condolences to those who loved your charms.

I hope there’s no one left greeting you with open arms.

But my curses won’t haunt you the way I wanted

And my prayers will never be taken for granted.

When my chest was torn open stich by stich,

People helped to dig you a bottomless ditch

Just to bury the witch as it was supposed to be done –

With a hanging, burning and drowning,

Looking down the barrel of a gun…

So I lit a candle and wished I’d never dream of you –

Even in daydreams, even when I greet the tomb.

-JW

Hexes

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What are you thinking, why are you turning into someone I can rely on?

And why are you coming closer when I still have the past on replay

Without a shoulder to cry on?

Not sure how it started but I’m re-reading yesterdays’ words all morning.

This one time you called me enchanting and I wondered

Whether it meant that you’re falling.

Am I growing into a person I once despised because I’m out of options?

Will I push you away, far behind the swinging plywood walls,

Or will I pretend to be less noxious?

So what do you have in store for me, why should I follow?

Before the night fades into mush,

You’re taking my mind down a crisp, cold hollow.

And I don’t know the way back, I don’t see an easy exit.

The way you take me down the path seems steady.

I wish for the strength not to hex it.

-JW

Scheduled

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Two hours forward, eighteen back.

I dance around the schedule,

It’s compromise I lack.

Sixty more clicks on the keyboard.

I’m never done with counting

And putting down a petty sword.

When the dawn arrives, I fidget,

I spin around in my seat.

My moral code’s missing a digit.

And the coffee yawns back at me

When I greet it the next morning,

Hoping to unlock misery’s mystery.

-JW

Grace is off the table.

Photo by Bennie Lukas Bester from Pexels

I’m taking off my nice smiles and exchanging them for a better price,

Selling them for a hard bargain, melting them into tools I wear with pride.

Thighs scared, elbows bruised, cheeks still bloody but I’m not done.

I’m open to taking another beating, your fists are weightless,

My ego weighs tons.

I’m channelling the boys, increasing the tempo, the values, the voice,

Cooking up the perfect scene, then burying their heads in the voids.

And I don’t take their protests for granted, I fill them with poise.

The moment their act becomes nasty, I turn the volume up

To cut open their toys.

-JW