Tag: loneliness

Parched

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Do you know how hard I’m trying to write this when I’m incapable of muttering a single sentence?

Do you ever just wonder why I keep scribbling nonsense each day as if I’m bringing myself the vengeance?

Have you ever been left alone with your thoughts for a moment too long, and the clarity gets as sharp as a sword?

Have you… This one’s too personal but I’ll ask anyway if you give me your word.

…promise?

Have you missed somebody with the force of a hundred waterfalls crashing down without compassion?

No, no… But have you missed someone more than any relative, any friend? As if their love was just a fraction,

A drop in the ocean compared to how parched your throat has been lately. It’s a desert.

I’m trapped in it – and nothing worldly that can be offered will make my poisoned mind avert.

Luckily, nothing lays seeds in my heart. Nothing grows in sinking sand. No saviors left in sight.

Only drought and unrequited lovers left alive. No one sleeps in this land as the nights are also snow white.

Have you missed somebody like this or am I hallucinating out of the malice?

If this is the Wonderland they promised, please do me a favor

And never wake Alice.

-JW

No one’s coming

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Can’t keep my stare away from pretty people.

Can’t keep my hands away from broken things.

I’m so enchanted when I know you will not say “no” to these flames –

But who’s gonna save you when I’m choking you with tears on late evenings?

Never been in such a power position, never played these power games.

Do we just burst through the roof with sensation or do we ignore the desires and feelings?

Messing with your realities has been one hell of a ride but I’m wasted

And you’re probably getting high on your own ego again…

The sadness in your smile, I can taste it,

But sensing you near still wakes me up like cocaine.

Who am I really mocking here? You or me? Can’t be both, we’re nothing alike,

The worst of friends. Best of enemies. Can’t treat you humanly but can’t help treating you nicely.

Yet every storm that shakes you, kills me a bit. Are they planning a strike?

Do people know what’s going on? Are they attacking so we never choose wisely?

No one’s coming to save us anyway so go on, entice me.

-JW

Little Lies

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They lied when they said that people need water to live.

I’ve been driving for 6 hours and this road has no give.

I’m tired of looking over my shoulder, chasing the sun,

When there’s nothing I need more than someone saying –

You don’t have to run.

They lied when they said that people need air to survive.

I’ve been suffocating for a decade, lacking a peace of mind.

Riding down the roads that are never-ending feels like ice skating

On the thinnest of surfaces – sometimes delightful, yet what I really miss

Is taking a breath that’s invigorating.

They lied when they said that people need love to be alive.

I’ve never once felt deader than whilst I was falling. Let me take five.

Hunting my dreadful past means more dire futures are in the making

But I’m immune to seeing paths less self-destructive as pain does the trick

Of keeping me from ever truly waking.

-JW

Airplanes and Neon Lights

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I look outside my window each night and see airplanes landing over your house,

Their lights blending with the night sky. I am standing by the frame like a loyal spouse –

Protecting your gravities, stopping engines from failing at my own expense.

This sunken faith of mine has never touched the deep end. It is losing oxygen and common sense.

However, it hurts stunningly. The view is too precious to go into it blind –

And the neon lights across the street remind me of your gleeful eyes meeting mine.

Sometimes I stargaze a bit too far – so I fall, forgetting that you are out of reach.

How easy it is to overlook the distance when your instincts are soaked in bleach.

I know it is hard for you to maintain the illusion that your blinds are shut on these nights

But it is not my imagination making up the fact that you have not slept as you are picking fights

With the only good thing you had in your life. But is it my fault? Not shutting the curtains

When you so desperately needed the spark? Do not lie if you are uncertain.

You need me to be by the window, and you do not want to wait for it anymore.

I guess the first time that I touched you, it was clear – you do not mind some glory or gore

If it means holding my palm in your hitched hand for a bit longer.

At moments like this I wish I could be a complete loner.

But I cannot be – so I throw my pride against the foggy glass

Hoping it breaks your chains, at last.

-JW

Toast To The Last Deceit

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Image from Skitterphoto

Cheers to all the concrete walls, to back allies, to crossroads and canyons,

To all the secrets they keep and how they treat daylight like their

dying companions.

To the irreversible and unimaginable, to every beginning of bitter end,

I would promise that it gets easier, but my mind’s broken and body too

so I won’t pretend.

To every inch of floor you’ve cried on or spilled some champagne on in weekends

Because you’re so tired of the rut you’re stuck in, and I’m stuck in the middle –

with you, till the world ends.

Here’s to the people that won’t call back, and the ones who text too much,

I’ve never appreciated modern art but I will admit – 21st century communication

needs artistic touch.

And to the black abyss, darkest pits, death valleys with all the crows in sight.

To the moments where the only way out is through a window pane or screen –

No fight or flight.

To the smoothest chats and pleasant small talks about weather in shitty apartment

Where the peaks mask as fate, then you become obsessed – the end of night

Will taste disheartened.

Please pick up your highball, get the courage to drink to another lonely evening –

Or is it a lovely evening? I don’t want to get demeaning

But when the ego snaps, it’s never even.

So tell me again – what is it you’re deceiving?

Overkill // My love

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Photo by Aleksandar Pasaric

Feast away on my defective pieces.

I don’t want them. I don’t care.

It’s enslavement anyways

to be this bare,

to put my soul on the ground where your dirty feet walk,

to put it on the kitchen floor and drag through some broken glass

like it’s sidewalk chalk.

***

Don’t you dare to talk, you ass,

the deep rumbling of your voice is such a bitter pill.

you lost the chance to speak to me when you broke my will,

the one I found shattered by bathroom door all those years ago…

What an overkill,

my love,

that autumn when your smile could make flowers grow

I swore that I’ll never hate, and I’ll take it slow.

But here I am, four hundred days later, crumbled to the bone,

And you’re crushed.

Closer than ever, yet feeling alone,

the adrenaline rush,

it’s long gone.

Goodbye, my friend,

take care, I hope your soulless body finds a home

when you wake up disliking yourself without me,

yet I don’t pick up the phone.

I’ll be far out of zone

where your white lies can’t reach,

where you can’t find

the unmarked headstone.

Alone.