Tag: Candy’s diaries

Insomniac

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I count to ten before letting the medusa hair out of the hat,

Before turning my back, before turning this white rabbit

Into a sickly rat.

I check my own pulse and clear my throat before biting,

Before swallowing the ink and flirting with the end.

Dusk makes this scene exciting.

I imagine a stadium of people before continuing this dance,

Before jumping in front of a fast moving thought and combusting

Into bones and fangs.

I bow before the cheering crowds start pointing sticks,

Before the insomnia once again settles in, drowns me out,

Tells me it’s something that I can’t fix.

-JW

Eight Minutes To Fall Asleep

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The wheels are in motion, I move to the side.

Sounds startle my mind but I still let it slide.

Messages, greetings and formal promotions.

I move to the side, but the wheels are in motion.

An ode to terror, a hymn to my insomniac brain.

I’ll suffer for closure, not gonna let it die in vain.

Booklets, sliding doors and seven errors.

The hymn to my insomnia, the ode to my terror.

Eight minutes to fall asleep, two seconds to die.

Once you pull the ring off, even the heavies will fly.

So I hold myself close, this moment is mine to keep.

Two seconds to die.

Eight minutes to fall asleep.

-JW

Emptiness 123

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The iron gates I’ve seen for years turn rose gold.

Dusty streets burn in vivid neon, brutal and bold.

My escape attempts seem more like cries for assistance

Because when I look back, no one tried to give me distance.

The waters surrounding the scene look more frightening.

Calming the world outside is like catching lightning.

And maybe I’ll be able to live with my own reflection

Once the old kings start dying in rapid succession?

With the one I wanted by my side, I’ll take the gamble.

Maybe it’s this city making me dull, making me shamble.

But maybe I’m deciding to live with my pain on display?

I bid my soul to the devil to relieve me of the foul play.

-JW

Don’t Close Your Eyes

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You’re there all of a sudden and I freeze –

Is this another daydream of mine?

Are you too real to shake the disease?

Blue shirt and vaporized sweat.

I know I can’t close my eyes

Because each promise is also a threat.

I’d rather break watching you leave

Than fall apart days later

Melting my kneeling heart into steel.

Satin skin next to my cold feet

I can’t make myself look away

So I watch you go, accepting defeat.

Burgundy boots, red broken dreams.

Take it for what it is, take it.

The bigger the wound, the faster it heals.

And you’re gone with the first autumn winds.

I can’t remember if any of it happened

But I can tell it was real.

My chest still bleeds red and it tints.

-JW

The Dream

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Once again we’re dancing towards the shore,

Hoping there’s a bigger love,

Hoping there’s something more.

You know – I’m ready to let go of the control.

Eyes open, fingers at ease –

My soul’s out on a parole.

Don’t go. Inhale the thunders. Exhale the storm.

The coast plays with our visions,

The silence rings an alarm.

And we keep dancing towards the shore,

Knowing there’s a bigger love,

Knowing – there’s always a little more.

-JW

Lookout

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Running down empty lanes and drives of the city I once knew,

Assuming I can find you again in this plastic, dusty zoo.

Looking around street corners and under each empty bin.

The lust is my greatest enemy but right now it tastes as good as sin.

No self-esteem left once I empty the last of my pride in these streets

And I don’t want to trade my soul away for another misdeed.

I keep my eyes open when I cry

To make sure your face doesn’t slip by.

I’m releasing the numbness just for you.

I wish you could dare to need me too.

-JW

Two Left Feet

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The weight of the stares towering over my body is crushing all hope within.

The clock on the wall is wearing me down, bruising my patience paper-thin.

As the loneliness sets into my muscles, my lids are opened by a sound.

I stare into the darkness of the room. I let out a sigh and let my heart pound.

I see him there, serious as ever, empty pockets and expensive shoes.

For a second the mask slips and he grins, on his chin a pale round bruise.

One step in my direction, then two, now we’re only moments apart.

I blink and he’s gone, the weight is pulling me down with all force…

But it’s alright, we’re no longer back at the start.

-JW

Ritual

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The nurses rush into the room carrying sleep medication.

I try to refuse but my addiction wants to feed its temptations.

A cold needle in my knee, I squirm but keep myself patient.

If I hush a bit more, we can conquer the sleep deprivation.

The doctors hold my arms down as I gasp and reach for air.

All the pain inside is too much to handle with simple despair.

With the last of my strength I watch them cut off my hair.

If I suffer a moment more, they’re going to bury my soul bare.

-JW

Good Morning

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Lull air. Muted sounds. Pastel colors.

Walls covered in lies and gilded Madonnas.

Dull headache. Severe injuries all over.

Wounds patched together with a single clover.

Unsteady breathing. Calming voices. Plastic.

Draconian measures taken to keep me spastic.

Ice cubes melting on my stomach. Cleansing.

An act of kindness to make me forget

The walls, chasms and dim gothic fencing.

I must remember, I have to retell the story…

But the trance overpowers me

And the pastel walls turn gory.

-JW

The Nightmares

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The weather is perfect for carrying another predicament.

Go ahead and curse me out,

Send the dogs right after my scent.

The leaves in visibly plastic trees beg for attention

And I carry out their every wish.

They notice but never once mention.

The air pierces my left lung and pinches the heart repeatedly.

Stab wound on stab wound, well layered,

Silencing me in perfect harmony.

The roofs of recently built homes covered in nasty rust.

I close my right eye to see clearer.

The sun turns tenebrous, the winds break my trust.

-JW