Tag: Candy’s diaries

You’re dripping in the spit of people who swore to warn you.

Guess the Armani didn’t work out, the shine didn’t guard you.

Once every three nights you rue the day you ditched my calls –

The envy demons by your bed must stand at least seven feet tall.

I’m doing far better than I should, far worse than you’ll ever know.

Half of my reflections are transparent, half – just for the show.

The monsters breathing on my neck keep getting much closer

Now that you’re gone and our peace treaties are finally over.

But I’m wearing your suits with the glamorous perfume now,

Leaping forward faster than you, waltzing in front of a crowd.

And one day the lonely feeling will dry out your shallow bones

Because one day it’ll be me not picking up the damn phone.

The cold water hurt a little when I jumped off your dock,

Navigating the clashing waves and the plunging stocks.

My mind threw malisons your way, two cents a flock,

It drew an evil eye in your fields of bloody crops.

No, I’m not heedless of the times you’ve saved my life –

Just to dig a deeper grave and blithely call it mine.

Dark thoughts are like horseman, no need to come in fives.

They sting like bullets, they open flesh like knives.

And I swim through the breathlessness in burning lungs,

I wish for a calm coast under these thirteen suns.

The mirrors might lie for you in some ungodly tongues

But deep waters will hide me

Until you empty your plastic guns.

They say “beauty fades” but only when I’m fully disarmed.

The gnashing teeth near my cheek, meaning nothing but harm.

They make paper planes out of magazines, then fly them my way

Until I weep those bright ads with seamless smiles into my rosé.

Even in my dreams the harmful words chase down my pride,

Telling me I’m great as is and also – which parts of me to hide.

It’s never enough products unless it’s too much for their taste.

It’s the same standard for everyone, but you can’t simply copy/paste.

And I wonder whether this is the most isolating of feelings –

Slashing yourself in the mirror with words until you’re bleeding.

But they repeat “beauty fades” like it would make it less painful

When their teeth sink into my skin the next time

They call my mirror wounds distasteful.