Category: Candy’s diaries

Choking Hazard

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The green eye watching me through the keyhole blinks once an hour.

Its fluorescent pink lashes snow ominous, breathtaking flour.

My apartment turns into a choking hazard, but I don’t mind it.

The gaze takes over my loose limbs and I refuse to fight it.

I don’t know where to look, I can’t find a way to pretend any longer.

The grip I have on my thick wool blanket grows stronger and stronger. 

And the green eye pushes through the cracks in my dark windows.

It leaks on every surface; it goes wherever the nightly tide flows –

Until I can barely lift my lids as it elegantly floats closer and closer. 

My worst sleep demons are the greatest fear composers.

I scream for help, I even plead with the gods and their entourage,

But the emerald glow mutes the sound

As they turn my soul into a green collage.

-JW

Safer

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Photo by Erik Mclean from Pexels

Being safe in your own mind for the first time is an unsung feeling.

No buzz, no synthetic static,

No yellow brick road and no ceiling.

The rays hug my shoulders with their golden promise and peace.

And the silver bullets I carry soften

As I fall to my knees.

My scalp shrivels once the pressure shoots out of my crooked spine.

The anger detonates within,

My pride gains an appetite.

The unforgiving lust for darkness gets lost under the summer sun,

And the search for the end stops

As I lower my guns.

-JW

Velvet Casket

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You slapped a tax on our love

And sold them the copyrights,

Wrote off my voice as I was watching front row.

You erased all the fights,

Renamed them after your pride.

Just another scalpel you hide

While I peel off my own skin at night.

And you tried convincing me that I couldn’t have it any better

As they unpacked the cameras

Along with the heads they had severed.

They scream, they leak red,

And you call it amorous.

But I learned long ago that each bruise on my ribs is a blessing

Dressed as a velvet casket.

You taste like venom mixed into the salad dressing.

You don’t even mask it,

Just smirk and start confessing.

And you sign off on our love with mahogany ink,

Giving away my name to the gloom,

Letting me sink, sink, sink…

Until I give up my right to bloom.

But don’t worry, dear,

I’ll be back by the next Blood Moon.

-JW

The Thirst

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My face grows paler each coming day –

But the bright crimson on my lips remains.

And the bite marks bloom like spring flowers

As you leave me alone in the dark for hours.

No, I do not mind it, leave as you please,

Lock me in your tower ‘til the next Christmas eve.

My skin will grow snowy, my muscles – weak.

My voice will forget which words I can speak.

But the bright crimson on my lips will stay,

Hiding from sunrises and their audacious ways.

And you will come home to see me once more,

Hopeless and fearful, still lacking a cure.

The memories will lose their charming taste,

You will think of death when seeing my face.

But the blood will not stain

As long as you stay.

As long as you carry the thirst too,

You will bow before my pain.

-JW

Scarlet Smoke

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Your guilt trips over my thighs,

It covers you in modesty.

You cannot avert your eyes,

I cannot promise you honesty.

The red plays with my hair,

It curls it like summer heat.

With each moment we share

You clung tighter to your seat.

The guilt wraps your elbows

And ties them together.

I pluck petals from a white rose,

I mix them with feathers.

Your knees get trapped too

As you admire the scents.

My lips stain like a tattoo

And they burn like pure hell.

The guilt serves as your necktie

But you do not seek freedom.

Your instincts stay on standby.

Yet – you have no plans to free them.

The scarlet smoke surrounds us,

Your lungs struggle to breathe.

Your screams sound boundless

As your pupils drift off to sleep.

-JW

Red Eyes

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Raindrops dance on my window,

It’s been a while since the heaven wept.

I sink in memories until I’m numb,

I can’t recall the last time I slept.

My mind counts the first morning birds,

It follows each voice I hear nearby.

The bed holds me tight like a hearse,

And life plays as my final lullaby.

They don’t seem to notice the red

Although it’s leaking from my eyes.

I survive on plain water and bread,

The previous night fades into lies.

But the thought of darkness traps me,

The evening terrifies me to death.

If I don’t open my lids, just slap me,

Let me cry until I lose my breath.

Don’t let me sleep, don’t let it slip,

Let me hold onto the red a little longer.

Raindrops knock on my windowsill

And I know that I’m a goner.

-JW

So Long

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It took some time to pull myself out of the deep end.

They told me, “Go swim with the sharks,

But don’t make them your friends.”

So when I got scared of the dark,

I never killed the lights to please them.

It took some time to pull myself out of the deep end.

Years passed me by but the water stayed in my lungs.

Some blamed my red temper,

Some called me too goddamn young.

They failed me as mentors,

Yet, somehow, the culprit’s my tongue.

Years passed me by but the water stayed in my lungs.

I let my senses lead me until I ended up where I belong.

They sent dogs after my scent

But always seemed to get it wrong.

The trail ran cold wherever they went

Until they whispered, “So long.”

I let my senses lead me until I ended up where I belong.

-JW

It Burns

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It burns within me like hot coals before the first autumn rain.

They evacuate the fields and release all the foals,

They block half of the lanes.

The heat chars my insides with the fury of molten titanium,

And everything I’ve ever known splits, it divides,

Fracturing this entire millennium.

The time bursts wide open, overcooking my ribcage to a crisp.

They call the screams a bad omen

And hide themselves in the October mist.

But the boiling point keeps nearing as my lids leak dusty lava.

It’s what they’ve been fearing –

My glowing eyes starting another melodrama.

A single ruby red beam escapes my chest, I ignite the grey sky.

And as the fog settles onto them like a net,

They find their own anger tongue tied.

-JW

Two Swords

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You don’t have any power over me.

The illusion I painted before your very own eyes –

Was it a faux promise, was it a fantasy?

But you gave in to the lies masked as courtesy.

And you kept viciously firing away with the words,

Grinning through jealousy as I slumped over.

But, honey, my tongue has two swords,

One for re-opening my own wounds,

One for stabbing people like you in the back

Until all strings are cut and they’re out of tune.

But don’t paint it all black,

I tried before I gave the last loyalty away.

Now all that’s left for you is to run

Before my vengeful self takes you for a prey.

-JW

Anxious

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You’re sitting on my collarbone,

Dangling your legs over the edge.

Your two little swords pushed into my skin

So you don’t fall off the ledge.

My heart keeps racing for miles

When you electrocute my chest.

My ankles shake and palms tremble.

No rest for the anxious, no rest.

And the brain gets lost in the fog

As you blow sapphire smoke in my skull.

You haven’t left my side for years,

You’ve painted me fragile and dull.

Tell me, when was the last time I slept

Without your tight supervision?

I wonder if you ever get tired

Of turning my body into a prison.

-JW