Blog Feed

Bittersweet Melody

jackiewrightauthorLeave a comment
Photo by Axel Vandenhirtz from Pexels

How do you live being soft-spoken? No shrieking, no debilitating insomnia or an axe in your chest?

How do you go on another day not feeling broken? Do you wake up after good 8 hours more stitched together than the rest?

It’s not a walk in the park to explain how my anxieties and other ticks make a day worse by the second.

Not to brag, but I want to leave my mark: crawling to every finish line with anxiety on my neck,

Yet coming in second.

The moment someone realizes I’m not kidding when I say I’m depressed is a bittersweet melody to my ears –

What a time to be alive, we’ve progressed. What a time to be alive… Now they know my worst fears.

Hope they ignore the tears. And open tears.

-JW

Why You Don’t Love Me

jackiewrightauthorLeave a comment
Photo by Oleg Magni from Pexels

I’m not the most sincere, yet I’m clearly the most honest.

When it comes to my sharp tongue, it won’t keep a sweet promise.

I’m a good liar, and everyone hates people like that –

“Come on, at least pretend you suck, pretend you’re wearing the joker’s hat.”

I don’t trust people who can hurt me, but they do trust me.

It’s a curse. Yet – you’re trying to push me to wear my heart on my sleeve.

I will never let a person so close they can compromise my existence,

And you hate it the most – as we’re always going to have some distance

Between us, something like a lump you cannot swallow or spit out,

Of things that I shouldn’t speak, but for some reason – you can’t live without…

Knowing. Why do you have to know?

Why do you have to learn my meaning

As if I was a faulty definition in the dictionary and not a single editor

Got the time for re-reading.

But that’s not all. I speak up when I’m hurt, and I speak up for others, too.

I put myself in the harm’s way for people I barely know

Because that is what people who can take some hits do.

You hate that I can make friends because I’m not divisive,

My tone might be ironic but it’s not derisive.

I’m silly and I’m foolish, and I can take a fucking joke.

I can laugh about the fact that I’m overloaded, yet still this broke.

Until you can’t love me, I’m fine. This list is alive.

I’ve got some morals, standards and I will revive.

You not caring is the reason I survive.

-JW

Neon Blues

jackiewrightauthorLeave a comment
Photo by Emiliano Arano from Pexels

Met you in an empty beach, so lonely and dry, it resembled a deserted island.

Took you for a walk through the greenest of forests, through waters of diamond,

I made the fields of flowers bloom for your green eyes, but they cut me deep

When your smirk pushed me down a hill so dangerously steep.

Met you in the lowest of trenches, Marianas couldn’t stand a chance –

The darkness was pushing my head against the metal, death and I had this dance

Where she took a step to the left, and I went in for a kiss like it’s nothing.

Somehow she always missed the veins but her rejections was awfully cutting.

Met you in the coldest of winters. Love, it’s still freezing, my bones are brittle.

I’ve stood for months in this weather when I promised – I’d stay just a little.

My hands have gone numb, my vision is blurry, and I cannot follow your voice

As you refused to speak when my blood froze – like I had a choice.

Met you in a ball, so crowded and loud. The air was heavy from my lustful breath.

You were dressed in white, and when you saw me – you acted as we’ve never met.

The candlelight spilled all over my shoulders and turned my anger neon blue.

Why do you keep building worlds where we’re only strangers

When it’s always been just about you?

-JW

Amy

jackiewrightauthorLeave a comment
Photo by Prateek Katyal from Pexels

Find me messing with some sharp objects during the eclipse,

Find me licking the knife and then biting your lips

With my bleeding mouth wide open, trickling red serum…

You know that I’m a lost cause, but you want to fix it –

That’s my theorem.

Watch me dancing with nocturnal animals, throwing rhinestones,

Watch it burn down as I laugh because the fire cannot damage bones.

You know the only thing you can trust in me is that I’m going to change,

And when it happens, I will take your heart with me to crush it –

It’s strange, I’m the end of you but also your sage.

Hear me explaining the arrival of distant memories and other diseases,

Hear my lies spilling down your collar, minus eleven degrees

Is OK for you to handle.

Something makes me believe you would catch me if you could

For a brief moment quit being the king of the hill and realize –

I’m really no good.

-JW

Silver Ladders

jackiewrightauthorLeave a comment
Photo by ben neale from Pexels

Silver ladders put against all my walls, it looks like a movie scene

That almost got an award that year – but the director was way too mean.

Silver ladders pushing my doors closed. My home is now a prison.

If one more ladder is put on the floor, my room becomes a prism.

Happy, indulgent people waiting by the window, waving their flags high –

Some are white, some technicolor. The love of my life is fluttering red, oh my.

Dissatisfied, poorly fed faces are licking my door knob, religiously,

Like the taste of the metal will sing to them and let them speak to me.

My mind’s been stuck in a loop so I’m in no place to escape –

Have to stay still, listening to their dim curses, listening as they berate.

The ceiling’s slowly drooping, pressing on my open mouth. My teeth are breaking.

Please remind me, friend, why did I have to stab the truth when I was never faking?

-JW

When They Dragged You Away…

jackiewrightauthorLeave a comment
Photo by Igor Haritanovich from Pexels

I cannot write a decent goddamn sentence when you’re not close.

The words just don’t come out right when I can’t rip off your clothes

And strangle your body until everything’s written about, everything’s touched.

I was burning alive when they dragged you away but the people simply watched.

Can’t pull myself together for another second. I need to hear you think.

Never been able to look into somebody’s soul, but I do see yours – unless you blink

And tear it all up with not so loving notes on how I’m not rational. Again.

When they dragged you away, a part of me whispered: “Amen.”

But when it comes to obvious things and stating the facts, it’s simple –

Have loved you since the day you smiled at me one morning. Threw away my wimple.

It sounds dumb, let’s not pretend I ever sound wise speaking of you,

Yet – if I never wrote about your eyes, none of my writing would be true

As each time I sit down to create a tiny graveyard made up from words,

My chest aches. “Write “I love you” a hundred times. Until it no longer hurts.”

-JW

Good Gossip

jackiewrightauthorLeave a comment
Photo by Anthony from Pexels

All good gossip starts with a little truth.

Remember when I called you reckless

And you deemed me as rude?

All simple favors have debts in them too –

If you learn to read between the smiles,

You catch people-hatred just like a flu.

Not a single villain is glorified, truly,

What prettifies their immoral actions

Is the world that’s unruly.

I’m shaking your moral stances like a hurricane

But all that comes out is another victim to blame

And it’s tiresome, yes, yet I can’t stop smiling

When you kiss me with your knuckle because I am whining.

My mother told me I’m too reasonable to chase you

And my friends called you dumb, they were ready to face you

Just to put you in your place – but they wouldn’t understand

How I can both want to spit on your grave and hold your hand.

What a disgrace.

-JW

Seeing Red

jackiewrightauthorLeave a comment
Photo by Thought Catalog from Pexels

You sat there, one feet away, your arm right by mine. Your warmth – numbing.

I wish they could see me getting looked at this way.

They said I’m just trouble and my father left because of my shortcomings.

You brushed the fear away and you held me back when I was seeing red.

But when the sand castles I built came apart, I was screaming at the sea –

And yet, you didn’t see me as a threat.

You called me crazy a few times, I called you a moron, and we called it a day.

No matter what happens, your cheek in my hand is what matters,

I wouldn’t have it any other way.

You danced to the silly records I put on this afternoon when you thought it’s lost.

The circles you drew in the air while smiling at me

Was probably what I loved the most.

You have to go soon. You don’t know it yet but you have to leave.

I will drop out of this manic phase, I will break your heart without noticing.

By the corner we met you will heave.

You still are the only person I’m truly sorry to. I wish they could see me.

The way you looked at me like you could read between the lines of my mind

Made me think you could never leave me.

You know you can’t. I promise I’ll make it easy. My love, I swear –

If I had everything in this world, the only thing I’d me missing

Is having your scent to wear

Around my veins and arteries, pulsating,

Spreading your sweet naivety across the room

Slowly detonating

The strings of my heart.

My love, I’m only playing the part.

-JW

Seventh Heaven?

jackiewrightauthorLeave a comment
Photo by Luan Oosthuizen from Pexels

I can smell it in your hair – how you’ve missed me yesterday.

I can sense in in your stride – how you want to hold me tight

And whisper in my ear that it’s OK.

I’m so blissfully in love, can you imagine?

My friends would kill me if they knew

How this affair is truly tragic.

The way I burn myself to keep you from freezing

Is not romantic. And if you think I’m blind, please don’t,

I know that I’m not only pleasing him or teasing.

My body gets more tired as the days go by but I don’t feel it –

The manic episode is up and running, no need to heal it

With another dose of pills that once again will make me livid…

There’s nothing less true than me being furious, why do I have to live it

If I can just keep falling for you each day, over and over?

For the first time I feel like I don’t have to look over my shoulder

As I don’t believe my past can figure out my location in seventh heaven.

I’m finally going to confess my love when the clock strikes eleven.

Will you be there when I come clean of the heaviness chasing me?

Will you be there just for the thrills, for the sight you’ll see?

Will you beg me to leave or once again touch my jawline with your eyes,

Acting as you’ve never heard the cries

My body makes when we’re alone and I hear you breathing…

But I hear your body too some days.

It’s pleading.

-JW

Not My Father’s Daughter

jackiewrightauthorLeave a comment
Photo by Dark Indigo from Pexels

The spoiled poor kid strikes again, self-sabotaging everything pure.

“The pit is filled with snakes, my dear, don’t you try to act mature.”

Slouching through the system without a clear purpose, not really searching –

Hanging by a threat on the moonlit streets, one leg down, helplessly lurching.

Seven hundred steps to safety. The battery died a few thousands ago, no buzzing.

He left all the debt to the children, all the riches to the second cousin.

No one left to care, no one left to drag his cold body out the ditch this time around.

Or is it a grave? Excuse my forgetfulness, the third time this happened I lost the count.

“Love,” he says, “these cities are filled with thieves and morons, be safe.”

When I almost killed myself chasing you, I realized there’s nothing left to save

In this burning building that you buried me under when leaving. I was sleeping.

Haven’t got a good night’s sleep since then, I always sense the gas seeping

Through the vents and floors, and everything you touched in my life passing by…

It’s been five years since we talked. I didn’t have a chance to say goodbye.

I’ve had five years to rebuild everything, but let me tell you this, and I won’t repeat:

I am so glad you were not by my side.

Had to teach myself how to breathe. How to eat.

And I had to learn how to grow up so quickly,

And I realized it takes so little to love people

When all you wanted to teach was how to kill everyone who cared, and do it slickly. Swiftly.

Oh, father, you poor spoiled kid.

Greed is what made you live off-the-grid,

Pride is what pushed you to make the bid.

Don’t blame the cities or systems for what you did.

If you want to sell souls, let the next be yours for a quarter of quid.

-JW