jackiewrightauthor

Tinseltown

16. Apr, 202016. Apr, 2020 jackiewrightauthorLeave a comment

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A-listers with bleached morals and dead eyes –

They munch on diamonds while I’m forced to eat led pies.

Lies. Sabotage. Saying I’m a carbon copy.

The next I know – he wants to make me into a trophy.

Is this the place losers are produced and turned into stars?

The slower they age, the faster they drive their cars.

Fake condolences mixed with beauty tips from the rotten.

Everyone without a dollar to their name trying to get their shot in.

“Hollywood infected your brain,” Marina sang in the rain.

It also spread through the bodies of many, even the sane.

But tinsels don’t cast a reflection in the darkest place.

Fabricated ideals remain untrue, even if manufactured in lace.

–JW

The Last Of My Standards

15. Apr, 2020 jackiewrightauthorLeave a comment

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A spritz of the spring touched my heated thoughts today.

A spur of the moment decision. I’m fleeing this town.

Tell your brother I said “hey”.

This weather brings back the skeletons I’d rather keep burnt.

The sweater I’m wearing can’t hold my self-pity again.

God, pass me another urn.

No space left to dig a grave for the next obsession gone awry.

No scales grand enough to weigh my remorse.

This won’t end alright.

These warm spring evenings are stealing the last of my standards.

The swarm of wasps filled with toxic love promises awake,

I’m gulping them down just like salamanders.

-JW

August Days

14. Apr, 202014. Apr, 2020 jackiewrightauthorLeave a comment

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Finger painting my own reflection, deflecting.

A voice is calling me but I find it vexing.

Palms covered in sparkles as temperature raises.

I’ve survived burns, I’ve survived blazes

But somehow this moment pierces my skin.

Do I fit the box that they put me in?

Colors on colors pour down my neck, down my back.

When I turn to look, it’s once again painted black.

Cryptic signs appear in the mirrors as I lay dying…

I’ll never get the picture just right, there’s no denying.

–JW

Tense

13. Apr, 202013. Apr, 2020 jackiewrightauthor1 Comment

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Anxiety is making me choke on dry bones,

I spit up barb wire. I’m in there alone.

The pressure rings louder than my ears can take,

It’s unsettling. I’m in there alone and I mustn’t hesitate.

I can’t play it safe.

The crashes and wrecks continue to frighten

But the guards are awake so I’m keeping it silent.

My nails are scraping the floors and the vents.

Where is the end?

Every turn keeps coming back to yesterday’s events:

Two fingers of whiskey, three unpaid rents.

Your lungs made of glass, heart filled with gasoline.

Might get you high, might be a fast release.

I’m grabbing my own hair, pulling out grenade rings.

Would kiss a chainsaw just so I don’t have to think.

But you knew it already – my ego is made out of dangerous things.

If you escape the hellfire by jumping in water,

your boat will sink.

-JW

Buzzkill

12. Apr, 202012. Apr, 2020 jackiewrightauthor2 Comments

My father will never call me back again but I don’t mind.

Three years stuck in an infinite loop, butchered by my own emotions.

Feeling less than human. My demons were aligned.

I’m done gulping cheap flavors from shallow glasses like they’re potions.

I’m done being defined.

My father will never call me back again but it’s not my fault.

All that matters are people who will pick up the phone when it’s unpleasant.

It might be late or it might be inconvenient, yet they dare to open that vault

Without being compromised by the front that I present –

And it changes, but they stay through the halt.

My father will never call me back again, and sun rises at the east.

Accepting our truths does not mean we’re giving in. We’re far ahead.

Never in my life have I felt less lonely – look at all the weapons I’ve seized,

Built by my destructive heart that wished I was already dead…

Living is not a walk in the park, it’s a feast.

I will never pick up when my father calls. Let him choke on the ringtones and words never said.

-JW

Misdeeds

11. Apr, 202011. Apr, 2020 jackiewrightauthorLeave a comment

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Walking away from something you’ve broken entirely is human nature.

Hiding your brutality and violence into the bruises of another creature –

That’s how the best of us become preachers.

I don’t believe it’s just.

I cannot step away from a disaster even when it’s not mine, even when I must.

My first instinct is always taking away the knife and the gun from the person I trust,

Then torturing myself with them as if nothing happened – until they turn away in disgust.

How do you walk away from a damaged soul? How do you let it bleed?

I’ve slept on the cold, hard floor in order for you all to get some sleep.

Never been able to turn my back. I will take over the pain and lead.

I will finally accede to the fact that I’ve taken it too far when my knees become weak,

Yet you can stand up again, and that fulfills my greed.

Is this a virtue or another misdeed?

-JW

Hypocrite

10. Apr, 2020 jackiewrightauthorLeave a comment

Sorry I called you a stranger last night without meaning it.

Quite weird how we don’t allow our loved ones to change even slightly.

The second they do – we quit.

But I do apologize for growing apart, even though I was thinking

That we’re birds of a feather, flying in the same direction –

So I took off without blinking.

I crash landed in the next empty field, no sight of you, just dirt.

For a moment I did believe you got lost chasing…

After weeks of silence I stopped waiting on you to revert.

Then, four months later, in an empty hallway your eyes meet mine.

Such a happy moment, you’re there but somehow not smiling.

I realized you’ve lost your spine.

Ran into you a couple more times. Your stare so blank, I wondered –

Maybe I’ve become see-through, and this is afterlife?

Maybe I should close my eyes and count to one hundred?

It’s been a while and I still see your face in my dreams, I do.

It’s painful and wonderful, and I want to hold on…

When I wake up – still no signs of life. No signs of you.

Sorry I called you a stranger last night without meaning it.

You could’ve called me back then. You still have my number.

You goddamn hypocrite.

-JW

Four Walls

9. Apr, 2020 jackiewrightauthorLeave a comment

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Fill my cup with the strongest of drinks, make me feel less lonely.

These four walls tighten around my neck but they can’t really hold me.

Let my fantasy run miles, please don’t let it grow too phony.

When it’s too tired to carry on, I’ll live on pain and no sleep. You know me.

Paint my wrists in the brightest colors, cover all the mistakes.

I can’t erase what has been done, I can’t process my past in hot takes.

Slice my arguments ever so gently – the slower you go, the better it tastes.

Cut right through my throat when you get the chance. Don’t hit the brakes.

Never hit the brakes.

Take all my lies and run with them, pretend I’m not bluffing.

It might feel wrong but by now you must be used to handcuffing.

Breathe my deadly fumes in deeply, reduce your life to nothing.

These four walls tighten around my neck, yet it’s the reality that keeps cutting.

Please… keep me company while the gates are shutting.

-JW

Grudges

8. Apr, 20208. Apr, 2020 jackiewrightauthorLeave a comment

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When I die, I will become the queen of the clouds.

Not that I would ever go to heaven – straight to hell, without any doubts.

I just think that my freshly vanished body would haunt people’s dreams,

It would reappear in their nightmares so often they would run out of screams.

They would take me out and right up to the judge –

But no matter what they said, I would act like I was holding a grudge.

The moment they look away, I’ll be gone and off to take the throne.

I think ruling the up above is also reserved for royals who once have been overthrown.

-JW