Apr 2020 – Page 3 – The Daily Writing of Jackie Wright

Hypocrite

10. Apr, 2020 jackiewrightauthorLeave a comment

Sorry I called you a stranger last night without meaning it.

Quite weird how we don’t allow our loved ones to change even slightly.

The second they do – we quit.

But I do apologize for growing apart, even though I was thinking

That we’re birds of a feather, flying in the same direction –

So I took off without blinking.

I crash landed in the next empty field, no sight of you, just dirt.

For a moment I did believe you got lost chasing…

After weeks of silence I stopped waiting on you to revert.

Then, four months later, in an empty hallway your eyes meet mine.

Such a happy moment, you’re there but somehow not smiling.

I realized you’ve lost your spine.

Ran into you a couple more times. Your stare so blank, I wondered –

Maybe I’ve become see-through, and this is afterlife?

Maybe I should close my eyes and count to one hundred?

It’s been a while and I still see your face in my dreams, I do.

It’s painful and wonderful, and I want to hold on…

When I wake up – still no signs of life. No signs of you.

Sorry I called you a stranger last night without meaning it.

You could’ve called me back then. You still have my number.

You goddamn hypocrite.

-JW

Four Walls

9. Apr, 2020 jackiewrightauthorLeave a comment

Photo by **Chanita Sykes** from **Pexels**

Fill my cup with the strongest of drinks, make me feel less lonely.

These four walls tighten around my neck but they can’t really hold me.

Let my fantasy run miles, please don’t let it grow too phony.

When it’s too tired to carry on, I’ll live on pain and no sleep. You know me.

Paint my wrists in the brightest colors, cover all the mistakes.

I can’t erase what has been done, I can’t process my past in hot takes.

Slice my arguments ever so gently – the slower you go, the better it tastes.

Cut right through my throat when you get the chance. Don’t hit the brakes.

Never hit the brakes.

Take all my lies and run with them, pretend I’m not bluffing.

It might feel wrong but by now you must be used to handcuffing.

Breathe my deadly fumes in deeply, reduce your life to nothing.

These four walls tighten around my neck, yet it’s the reality that keeps cutting.

Please… keep me company while the gates are shutting.

-JW

Grudges

8. Apr, 20208. Apr, 2020 jackiewrightauthorLeave a comment

Photo by **Ithalu Dominguez** from **Pexels**

When I die, I will become the queen of the clouds.

Not that I would ever go to heaven – straight to hell, without any doubts.

I just think that my freshly vanished body would haunt people’s dreams,

It would reappear in their nightmares so often they would run out of screams.

They would take me out and right up to the judge –

But no matter what they said, I would act like I was holding a grudge.

The moment they look away, I’ll be gone and off to take the throne.

I think ruling the up above is also reserved for royals who once have been overthrown.

-JW

Haunting

6. Apr, 2020 jackiewrightauthorLeave a comment

I want to see the world light up and dance with the apocalypse,

I want to embrace letting my life go and die with you.

Jump with you into the abyss.

I’ll never fully own you and, for what it’s worth, I’m glad I won’t.

I’d rather see you in safe distance than in my fever dreams,

Daunting on every living creature I haunt.

But honestly, I’m ready to go if it means you’re right there,

Our palms touching, ground trembling with fear and excitement.

Pain is numbing, bruises – extremely severe.

Every building that goes down around us is another hope to survive.

I might feel like I’m dancing with apocalypse on my own

But as long as you’re alive, I’m not running out of time.

–JW

Scarlet

5. Apr, 2020 jackiewrightauthorLeave a comment

Photo by **Murtaza Saifee** from **Pexels**

Our city is burning up in flames with ashes bringing it closer to heaven.

The place we reinvented from scratch chases me in dreams. Was it the haven?

I yelled at you for being rude and you dragged my ego through carpets –

You held my hand, we stole pamphlets and I painted the room scarlet.

Letting it go means cutting my chest open and pulling out the remains

Of what was once home to our passionate laugher, to hurricanes.

I can’t keep myself from asking – why does this feel like the end?

The truth will chase you down one day, no matter how much you bend.

Don’t worry, the ocean in me is swaying peacefully, I will take it easy.

Once you leave, I’ll pretend that the imprints you left on my lids weren’t greasy.

-JW

So I’ve Heard

4. Apr, 2020 jackiewrightauthorLeave a comment

Photo by **Engin Akyurt** from **Pexels**

Do feelings get old and pass away? I wonder.

My stomach spins tirelessly, vomiting numbers.

Being upfront was never an option but I had the nerve,

I held your shoulders and fumed pure verve.

The game was rigged, so was the plan.

I can no longer say I’ve never loved anyone.

Why was it you? What did I lose in that entangled mind?

No explanation is good enough – the warmth has taken over,

Reasoning gets intertwined.

The corners of my lips curl upward, yours do too.

Every argument with you feels like my Waterloo

And I’m not so sure anymore. I’m scared.

Do feelings get old and pass away? So I’ve heard.

But who cares at this point, my mind’s already impaired.

-JW

No Pressure

3. Apr, 20203. Apr, 2020 jackiewrightauthorLeave a comment

Photo by **Alan Cabello** from **Pexels**

I must be missing the substance of all your allegories.

The sentences peel my skin with disgust when they say:

“You’re a lady, you should have some better worries.”

“Are you dating and are you planning a kid, tell me!”

They need to hear my convenient answers.

But everything I want is for my mind to be handled safely.

Crawled out of the hold of anxiety, beat the monster in the mirror,

For a year and a half I’ve been able to breathe without pain

But the pressure is quietly kicking in, it’s a silent killer.

Why can’t I simply be undecided and live one day at the time?

Why can’t I have the choice and the cash,

why can’t it all be mine?

Why is my every step analyzed as if it’s colored in lime?

-JW

My Northern Lights

2. Apr, 2020 jackiewrightauthorLeave a comment

Photo by **Tobias Bjørkli** from **Pexels**

I once had a dream where you picked up the signs,

The good, bad and human. The scratches and lines.

The backlash was making my vision blurry –

You never picked up on that, you packed in a hurry.

“Be my love, my northern lights and south pole,”

I spilled without thinking. Words swallowed me whole.

One look over the shoulder and out the door you go.

The room was spinning in light speed, sinking down and low.

Where did you buy the guts to walk away into the thunder?

We were so happy together, except for that one blunder.

Jack White was playing over our tragedy when the alarm went off.

I wake up alone between piles of white sheets with a bottle of Molotov.

The ringing in my ears has passed but my tongue is still dreaming

About your venomous blood, and how I cut it out of you when you’re leaving.

Piece by piece I drink it up from the pale, cold floor. Revenge is pleasantly bitter.

I open my eyes and shake off the nightmare as birds by my window playfully chitter.

-JW

Antidote To Sentiment

1. Apr, 20201. Apr, 2020 jackiewrightauthorLeave a comment

It is a never ending task to bring together the two coasts of the sea.

The reddest of reds will fill the shores to conjure, to fulfill the prophecy.

Three winters ago the waters froze so deep it felt as if we’ve never seen spring.

Three winters ago I was a bird with an injured wing. All I could do was sing.

But the waves kept crashing on my knees, they were begging me to stay.

Two coasts of the sea sunk more and more into the foolishness of dismay.

Picking one was the destiny, staying on both was a suicide, by hanging.

The antidote to my own sentiment is buried under the corpses I left without thanking.

-JK