Month: Feb 2020

Concierges of Darkness

jackiewrightauthorLeave a comment
Photo by Johannes Rapprich from Pexels

It’s true that Jackie once wrote:

“It was so clear that he was the only one for me.”

Or Lana imagined it. I don’t care as long as I agree

That the feeling is poignant, to the bone. It grips you.

The life you could’ve had without him passes by your very eyes,

So long, so far that no one recognizes that it’s you. It’s true.

The feeling traps pain and you doubt the sincerity of it building up,

Of it trying to escape your ribcage like a prison, then saying it’s a cover up.

My thoughts are his now but it also makes them more vivid.

It’s sometimes unbearable to think that one day we’ll become stiff

And rigid.

***

Since the time you introduced me to yourself, we were tied

By being the concierges of each other’s darkness for this ride.

Owning somebody’s piece of mind

Also makes you a participant in the crime

But what is the point of playing it safe and sound

If reality keeps hitting us harder with every round?

“It was so clear that he was the only one for me,” I keep repeating this line

As if you could hear it. I keep trying to survive. You’re the fence to my vine.

I must’ve really gotten my money’s worth when I cut you out

Of the picture I was once so happy to own and show around.

***

If he could only hear me out for one minute

On how I’ve never doubted his love or his repute…

Now it’s all gone in the winds and I can only remember –

I’ve never wanted to wake up since that September.

-JW

120 per minute

jackiewrightauthorLeave a comment
Photo by cottonbro from Pexels

Hope you’re good without me pulling your chest closer

Or making hair stand on your neck when I call you a poser.

It’s been a day since I’ve made you laugh so lightly.

I wish I could forget how I called you mine, nightly.

The thought makes me cold but what makes me shiver

Is how you sold me down the river

In less than a heartbeat.

My heartbeat. That’s 120 per minute and counting –

Should I chase you? That I’m still doubting.

After you had it in you to bleed me dry in a low place.

After for one brief second I didn’t give you the praise

You turned your back like I was never yours to play with.

What a fucking story! Or am I lacking the wit

To understand how it feels to betray someone who clenches your waist

During the best of mornings, worst of nights – until it all goes to waste.

I’ve been waiting for your mercy differently lately

But my arms are heavy and lips move sedately.

It’s hard to explain how much I need to hold you, despise my instincts

Yelling it’s more than you’ll ever need me – but in that instance

Is there anything left to lose for this selfish brain of mine?

I’m letting you destroy my concrete barriers like dynamite.

It’s just that kind of night.

-JW

A Maniac’s Love Letter

jackiewrightauthorLeave a comment
Photo by sergio souza from Pexels

How come – it’s another day in the fairytale land with so little joy?

You can’t buy the rights to my heart but you can always deploy,

You can always plan so that I don’t escape, yet I don’t really enjoy.

The glory might be the prize but his eyes, they don’t lie,

Chico, they’re my favorite decoy.

I’ve never asked for much when it comes to love, and I swear –

A little sense was all I wanted. Not another mask to wear.

My nerves are built of paper, they burn and they tear.

Not so sure about the others, but if it all breaks loose –

You’re the one I’m gonna spare.

The whites of your eyes look ugly when you roll them, blaring.

You launch them at me like bloodhounds. I think about disappearing

As my last act in this unrequited game. Then I recall us daring

To never leave a fib behind – and it would’ve worked if you weren’t

That passive about baring.

I’m angry. I followed your scent through the mud and got stuck

In this frozen forest with no way out. No matches. I’m out of luck.

But life goes on for you. And it won’t be you, selling tears for a buck,

Desperately waving the white flag and saving for flares to cope

With another day that will suck

In the fairytale land.

How could I dream so grand?

Now my mouth is full of sand

And I’m begging you to take me home

To the places I do understand.

-JW

The Tale. In its entirety.

jackiewrightauthorLeave a comment
Photo by samer daboul from Pexels

The way you look at lips gets me suspicious but, I promise, I won’t judge

When you’re on the porch, asking for my forgiveness as your wife still holds a grudge.

I assume you didn’t tell the tale in its entirety either.

Only some bits. Only some pieces. You were never a bleeder,

Always the one leaving scratchless, without a wound to your honor.

The second sharp words are thrown, oh baby, you’re a goner.

Your face could heal a hundred scars if you didn’t sell it out to every fool

Who feeds on broken hearts. But I’m not surprised when you’re a tool

To all of them – who can play it cool. They know better, they don’t just drool

Over their cheap glass promises – that are also deemed as priceless.

What happened? Why did you leave broke and diceless?

I’m a daydream turning into a nightmare right before your eyes

Wish I could give you a warning about how being a jerk might hurt a bit.

Sorry, I didn’t leave a light on for you – but not like you’re not used to taking a hit.

Sorry, I can’t hide you from the tentacles of truth anymore. I don’t want to.

Hope there’s someone else buying into your auctions, and your cheap ass tattoo.

Don’t take it wrong – my apologies mean nothing, and I learned it from you trying

To pull a truth out of a magician’s hat filled with dead rabbits and your fake crying.

-JW

The Town We Once Walked

jackiewrightauthorLeave a comment
Photo by Aleksandar Pasaric from Pexels

They’re building a casino on the corner we first met.

What a cliché – greed replacing our spot for watching the sun set.

The shop where I bought you socks is closing down,

Maybe it’s too late to ask whether you frown

Before putting them on and going your separate way in our streets –

The town we once walked together is changing, no longer fitting our needs.

The café I told you the truth burned down a week ago, last Tuesday,

And without it the square resembles the doomsday

But only a tiny bit. The rest is plastic and still looks fine.

I’d assume you could still find a nice place there to take her and dine.

Ah, the reality bites harshly, yet the imagination tortures my pride –

What the hell happened? Why did I run? Why did you hide?

It’s not fair of me to put our past ahead of the future you’re planning.

However, I can’t rest in peace with all the verities you’re banning

From your new found realities. These past years have done enough damage –

Of course, would be ironic if we for once decided to salvage

Something that’s sacred and close. Can we even manage?

Loving you still is such a disadvantage.

Ravage. Baggage.

Nothing good ever comes out of two vanished souls trying to escape, to banish

Until we tarnish

When all we really needed was a bandage.

-JW

Distracted

jackiewrightauthorLeave a comment
Photo by Matheus Bertelli from Pexels

I’m sitting here, comforting myself – and there’s no one else

I’d rather trust to hold me.

My pounding heart demands a sacrifice each night,

It hopes to die so boldly.

The veins have turned to mist, another substance

They can’t truly carry.

I always think I’m falling when I’m out of secrets

Left to bury.

Living is the strangest thing if you’re alone

But you’re not really lonely.

It almost feels like you’ve made friends with fiction, and for that –

Others call you unholy.

Being the keeper of my youth and audacity to take cover

Might be an extravagant act,

But who is to judge the difference between curses to heaven

And a genuine fact?

Don’t lose your tact

When you are attacked.

The arena is packed

But you don’t have to react.

Distract.

-JW

A Single Rose

jackiewrightauthorLeave a comment
Photo by Flora Westbrook from Pexels

Whimsical headlines of breaking news pop up on my screen.

I don’t see them – it’s another evening where the world seems so mean.

I hate everyone I’ve ever known again as they simply don’t listen,

They just sit there and watch me burn, pretending I glisten.

Nobody knows me but they act as they do – the effort’s all mine,

I made sure to write down their habits, old crushes and zodiac sign.

There’s these paragraphs floating and building a story in my mind

Of each person that I know – their life stories, and what they left behind.

I could write a book about every human I’ve ever cared about at the slightest

But I don’t think it ever worked both ways, their ideas of me remained lightless.

Out of vices most difficult for me to carry, egoism is the one to crush my shoulders –

When I’ve told you three times and you insist on not caring, it’s my mental state that smolders.

But if it’s not the case, and out of nothing I’m feeling this rage…

What do you know about me, then? My second name, hometown or age?

What’s the book I read on the train when I was 15 that was missing a page?

What foods do I hate and why do I avoid bars at all costs?

What’s the color of my bag that I once so stupidly lost?

Do you know these answers, do you know the most?

Or are you just another ghost

Stumbling up on the pieces of someone you once called close

To put down a single rose?

-JW

Notes on a napkin

jackiewrightauthorLeave a comment
Photo by Lum3n.com from Pexels

How do I let you go?

Have asked myself a hundred times, a thousand times more

Than would be needed – if I had the intention to stop wanting you,

Not longing for you anymore.

I don’t and it drives me insane.

There are these ticks and anxieties I get when you speak,

But I know that the anger will fade

And next morning you’ll still be the thing I seek.

How do I forget how much I love you?

I hate you still about the things you said a week ago

But I can’t wait for you to uncover another cover that I blew.

You sink me just to keep me unharmed – and afloat.

There’s nothing I need more desperately than you by my side when it gets rough.

You’ll never learn about the times you saved me – as it’s not enough.

I feel like I can climb into your mind sometimes and all I find is devotion,

Seasoned heavily by damaged goods, looking for that special potion

That will get your huddled shoulders one more opportunity to be sincere.

You still don’t get it but your shortcomings make people cohere.

Your smile works like poison as it makes me die a little in my sleep –

But that’s another vision I’m not allowed to keep

When I finally wake up and you’re not there.

Were you ever really squeezing my waist, were you really here?

I don’t know anymore, and hopefully – one day I will not care.

You’ll be just a name I don’t want to hear.

So how do I let you go? How do I forget you?

How do I wake up one morning willing to regret you?

Will you leave yourself if I ever let you?

Do I throw a little funeral and see where the wind carries the ashes?

Is it going to be an open road or a city with bright neon flashes?

Do I just sit and watch as the time passes?

How do I let you go?

-JW

playing jesus

jackiewrightauthorLeave a comment
Photo by Arantxa Treva from Pexels

Three days ago I was head over heels for you. I was craving

Passion so disloyal it had a hit on my moral savings.

The fire exits were blocked and Missio was playing –

I couldn’t make sense of myself, but the reviews were raving.

Two days ago I had envisioned our first crash together,

Like two junkies, and you giving me a jacket in cold weather.

Or did you hate the plan from my very first dream, altogether?

Was it just me thinking of two cigarette buds as of birds of a feather?

Yesterday you had to enter the room twice before I noticed –

Out of the low hanging fruits, you reached for the lowest.

It must’ve really stung when you saw yourself falling out of focus

But don’t call yourself the victim when your alibis are bogus.

Today you shot your warnings and ended up gravely heedless.

It’s funny to think – I don’t know a person that I could need less.

Despise that the warmth of your neck still leaves me speechless.

Must’ve been a nightmare if I decided to fall for another one

In a desperate need to be jesus.

-JW

Frosty Paws

jackiewrightauthorLeave a comment
Photo by Allie Smith from Pexels

To all the people in silver armors, high end saddles and low end taste

I bow so deeply it cracks my bones. They’re the meanest dragons that I’ve faced.

Too faced – everyone lacks one perspective as they see all the plot holes

And all the ways to get the deal through. Chasing money like stumbling foals.

Frosty paws get stuck on unsafe paths in places where stopping is a sentence

Of life spent is rotating fields of nothing – so you better run from that fake vengeance.

But how come we trust the system after it fools us twice before the alarm starts?

Did we simply nod when they said – you’re the target, circumstance is the darts?

There are 500 ways to write yourself out of the simulation this very second –

How could it be there’s only one narrow line you decided to reckon?

Furthermore, is it pure luck we’re born starving but manage to keep it at bay each morning?

I don’t know a lot about mourning.

But I trust that every fool in shiny helmet who chases money is doomed

As great ideas seldom come to minds very well groomed.

I know a thing or two about getting my frosty paws trapped in grounds

Where you never want to be seen by larger crowds.

It’s cold out there for us who don’t believe in glitz of serving

The ultimate purpose of always earning.

How much are you learning?

-JW